Not so deep thoughts

Tonight I am extra thankful for my husband.

I guess it's easy to take the really good ones for granted. The ones who bathe the baby without being asked, who know when you're upset and need to be left alone versus when you're upset and need someone to be just as righteously angry as you are versus when you just need a good hug and an assurance that it's going to be okay.

I try not to do that, take it for granted, because I know how lucky I am. I know that Steven is One of the Good Guys, and I'm pretty sure they're few and far between. At least from what I've seen. He makes me laugh, he keeps me sane. He loves me when I'm finding it hard to love myself. He is my balance, my anchor, my home. And, thank God, he's the father of my children.

My baby is now walking, and I think the crippled-crab crawl is gone forever. Bittersweet. She still walks sort of like Frankenstein, and the least distraction has her freezing and holding her arms out for balance, and she has the first little scrapes on her perfect baby skin, knees and elbows, from taking tumbles that she gets right back up from and keeps going on her merry way. She occasionally holds on to my finger but more often than not pushes my proffered hand away in a grand gesture of independence. Last week at a bookstore she insisted on doing it herself, and it took us a good 20 minutes to make it from the back of the store to the checkout counter, but she was proud as could be.

My other baby (who says I can still call him that, but only in private) is a big first grader, who likes to sit on the first grade bench and who has decided he's in love with our former neighbor girl. One day when his class was on the way to recess, Liddy was en route to the bathroom when she saw Alex, ran over, and hugged him. When she left, he says, a little girl from his class asked, "Who WAS that?" which led Alex to believe that she is in love with HIM, and has determined that he shouldn't tell her he's in love with Liddy because it might hurt her feelings.

Who knew the soap operatic antics begin in first grade?

Katherine will be starting Mother's Day Out two days a week in a few weeks. I know the first day is going to be hard for both of us. After all, we have not been separated, essentially, since conception, my girls' beach weekend notwithstanding. MDO will give me eight hours a week of uninterrupted work time, and the idea of THAT is so tempting that maybe I will be able to let go of her tiny hand and walk out without crying. You'd think it would be easier with the second one, but since Alex was in care from the time he was 3 months old, it was different with him, somehow. But I honestly think his experiences have led to his (to me and his father) incredible ability to roll with the punches, to make friends in any environment, to be the strong, confident, easygoing kid he has grown to be.

I've been very content lately. Life is good. And when it's not, it's at least funny, interesting, or enlightening.

Katherine, who has taken to raiding our pots-and-pans cabinet, came out one night with a clear-Plexiglas pot lid, put it on her head like a hat, and laughed like it was the best joke ever. But the funniest thing to US was when Alex, cracking up himself, said, "Katherine's a pot head!"

Oh, kids.

I've managed to scare up some extra work and have yet to be let go from my primary source of income even though their recent "restructuring" scared the daylights out of me. I originally said I'd give this work-at-home deal a try for a year and if it didn't work out, I'd go back to an office job. But the time I get with the kids that I wouldn't have any other way is precious, and I wouldn't trade it even on the days when I have a triple deadline and Katherine isn't in the mood to let go of a big handful of my hair.

It's stuff you don't get back. Like the crab crawl. Like fluffy-haired Alex. Like watching them grow up, little by little, and still being startled when the older one comes into the room with pajamas that fit him a second ago suddenly stopping well above his ankles. Like going from Mommy to Mom without realizing it's happening.

It's no different for moms who work outside the home; I've been one of those, too.

If I learned anything from my first go-round with parenting, it's that nothing is insignificant and that it's important to take mental snapshots along the way.