Disappointment

Disappointment. It's something we know from the time we know anything, and something that never gets any easier. Not even when you know that people are fallible, plans fall through, things break, failure is inevitable, mistakes are numerous. We can't always get what we want, what we think we need. It's a part of life, they say, but does it matter? That doesn't help the heart accept it.

Maybe the worst is disappointment in people. I've been told that I have a tendency to put people on pedestals, and then I'm always, always surprised when they fall from them. The obvious solution is to stop doing that. I'm trying. People are people. People, each in their own way and to varying degrees, sometimes just suck. And I know I'm one of them. I make plans and cancel them, I break the occasional promise, I've been known to tell a lie or two, and not just of the little white variety. I worry that I'm not always good at being a mother, a wife, a sister, a friend. I worry that there are shortcomings I haven't even noticed yet. That I may sometimes be the source of someone's disappointment.

Because tonight I'm disappointed. Specifics aside, it's something that I know will pass in its own time. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe before bedtime. These things are fleeting, more often than not. I hope it is this time.

And if it's not, if it takes longer than I believe it should to shake it off and move on and forgive and forget, then I hope it serves some grander purpose. Maybe to make me stronger, less gullible, less likely to construct those questionably engineered pedestals in the first place. A girl can hope.